What can I say today? I’ve been busy here, on the art front some, but mostly taking care of things relating to the house- cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, trash pickup, etc.
These things are more important than I tend to think. Oftentimes, I will forget all about these things until it is just time to do them. In the past, I have had someone else to help take care of these things, but I am finding more and more that I am the one left doing just about all of it. (I do get help with the dishes most days)
I tend to only want to make art, or only want to have fun, or only want to internet. This technological addiction that I sometimes have blocks me from seeing what is, or what should be, right in front of my face. I still have to work on cleaning and self grooming and self care and all of the trappings of living in a house, even though I have anxiety at times, or even though I want to meditate the day away, or even though I want to watch tv for hours, or make art for hours. I can’t just do what I love.
It’s in getting a routine with these things that are basic that I am better able to ground and take part in this thing called 3d earth life. I tend to want to hide away from this stuff that is so important a person tends to forget about it. I have thoughts of doing something different, of making more progress with my supposed career that I am chasing.
I am making progress though. I am realizing that success in life is more about the ease of life that I want, the easy way of not having to force or push or make things happen. Doing chores around the house makes me see and realize that – yes, this life is meant to be taken part of even in the most mundane of ways. And my house looks a lot better too. I feel better about this place I am in. I feel better about the job at hand and I am way more productive the day after chore city.
I have been offloading no longer wanted things more and more on eBay and Amazon and I am realizing- they were just taking up space and energy anyway. Spring cleaning seems like it has not stopped since last spring- almost a year ago, possibly longer. I have been constantly – well, almost constantly- making one step after another in cleaning and clearing and fixing up this fixer-upper.
I have not posted this, but I have almost finished painting the two rooms that I started a while back. I don’t know how many of you remember the blog back then. I posted one step after another of spackle this, spackle that and paint this wall and paint that wall. I am still going with it. I make about an hour or two of house progress here or there just about every day- maybe every other day, maybe less.
I am actually hanging art on the wall rather than just painting and covering up art that was on the wall. It feels good to have some sort of semblance of home now. I have wanted to move one time after another and one event after another. I am realizing that things don’t necessarily have to be walked away from in order to get along with them. I don’t have to rush away with tails hiding behind my back. I can eagerly participate in making myself and my place in the world better.
I guess what I am saying is- that even if things are basic and ordinary and mundane, it is these things that make life what it is. It can’t all be fun and it can’t all be ideal, but it can be worked on. And working on my life is more important sometimes than connecting to heaven or painting in heaven or dreaming of perfection. Working on the basics sometimes makes things less complicated and makes the future work I do easier and more fun and more meaningful. I get more of a sense of what I am working for and what I am working on when I have the balance of an ordinary life.
Tim Edwin B.
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