Helping The World And What It’s Like to Be Normal- Rambling Thoughts

I have been getting some more designs up on zazzle lately. I hope to get a ton of new products out there for you all. My younger sister has been helping me almost daily with the Z shop. I needed that kind of help with this stuff. For so long, I was going it alone and with no assistance at all. Having help from family members is very important. Having someone believe in your dreams is another ton of importance.

My baby lizards are doing as well as can be. It has been costly and difficult to get them all the food that they need. My father has been helping me with that.

It is good to get help with things. My uncle gives me things to sell from time to time. My stepmother takes me to places I need to get to at times. Letting people know that I need help has been difficult, to say the least, with my family in the past. My own emotions were rather intense and it appeared that others’ were as well.

Having just vacuumed and mopped the living room and dining room and getting ready to vacuum and mop my two rooms on the top floor, I feel like I am contributing as well as can be. It takes a lot of effort to work with other people sometimes, but it is something I am getting better at. Over time.

Helping and working together as a team should be natural. It should be accepted. Strangers should help strangers. Managers should help workers. Police should help the public.

Why do we as humans push people away, or avoid, or ignore? Why do some of us go to great lengths to hate others? One country gets mad at another. One type of person gets mad at another type. Why do parents and children argue? What are we trying to work out?

I have fought with myself and the “outside world” many times. I had fear. I still do. Fear that others will hurt me. Fear that the world is not safe. Fear that I will be abandoned and hated. Most people do not even notice me out there. My hair was really humorously long for a while. Not that many people made fun of me. I was shocked. I think having long hair just seemed normal to these people. It was not for me.

Having put myself out there as a weirdo, bipolar, artist, psychic of sorts, I would think people would be more mocking of me. Most are not. I was afraid to let people know that I believed in spirits. Most don’t care. Or if they did, they didn’t say anything. I walk around, feeling like I am keeping a big secret. No-one knows I make art. No-one seems to know that I have a book out there or that I produce art almost daily. I would think it would be impressive.

I am not sure what to think. I watch the news and people are fighting and arguing and protesting and all sorts of negative things are said about others on a daily basis, but for the most part, what I experience in the “real world” is people ignoring me. I guess that is great to not be offensive to others. I would fear it intensely in the past.

Changing things around with my appearance that are out of character for me made me see that the world doesn’t care about the small things usually. I’m just a “normal” person out there in the neighborhood, no matter how weird or different I feel. I’m just a passerby. I feel like I am keeping a secret of immensity- that I am out of the usual. I feel like I am different than everybody, but everybody just seems to see me as another nobody.

I have delusions that my work will be world famous someday. Maybe because most people told me that it would be when I was younger. I feel at times that I am contributing something as important as one of those well known famous artists out there from the past. You know, the ones who go down in history.

But people don’t want to know that in the present. In the present, most people are just “most people.” Maybe I am just an ordinary, normal person. Sane and healthy wrapped up in safety. Maybe the world is a better place than I have thought in the past. Maybe the stories they tell on the news are blown way out of proportion.

I watch a movie about a seemingly mundane and boring thing, and the media that is hollywood make it seem intense and extreme like I am moving though rapids on a canoe, and in reality, I am just sitting in a chair. Maybe it is the norm for people to see things in the extreme,

Cutting out a lot of television and harsh entertainment like intense music has made me appreciate the world more. I feel more at peace. More calm. More like the world is safe. Media and all of that make everything feel bad. Especially for someone with a mental illness like me. I wonder if there is something to that. Do those huge conglomerate media companies plan all this out? I imagine them all sitting in a room trying to figure out how to make normal intense. Do the people who make biopics plan out extreme camera angles of someone coming up with an idea or doing paperwork? Most movies about artists make it seem that way.

I guess I am just rambling along. I like to get my thoughts out there. I want to do this more often- share thoughts about life and where I am at. I think it will be a regular feature. Maybe once a week, maybe more often, maybe less. I guess it already is.

Tim Edwin B.

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4 thoughts on “Helping The World And What It’s Like to Be Normal- Rambling Thoughts

  1. It is a historically known fact that many famous Artists never got to taste their fame in life. That has been changing they say, but I think there will still be Artists who don’t get to live in the fame they will reach. Sometimes you don’t know how history will look back at you.

    Yet, this is traditional thinking, you might reach your fame after you have built up your skills in this life. Next lifetime, you will be even more talented because of doing artwork everyday in the life before. So one way or another, your hard work will pay off, even if you do not see it now. If your dream is to go down in history, I don’t think it will be overlooked.

    I think what you want is for fame in this lifetime. Yet, you never know where things will be ten years from now. Even as little as ten years from now, new advances and health could have you feeling so good you no longer consider yourself ill. There could be a new medication/technique that is so effective with so few side effects that you cry in joy.

    I know that many Lightworkers are against medication, but I think these are often the Lightworkers who never really got to experience Mental illness. It is easy to be against something you personally do not need. This re-blog says it better then me.

    http://peacenowflower.com/2015/04/27/big-pharma-privilege-or-why-i-wish-allies-would-stop-using-this-phrase/

    Whether you take medication should be a personal choice to you. If you need it, as someone who takes medication, I offer no judgement. I have been tempted to try living without some of my medications many times. So if you do not take medications and use natural treatments, no judgement form me.

    I have troubles with motivation, but you seem very motivated. I think one of the good things about my illness is that it got me closer to my family. I was becoming distant before, in a stress filled attempt to be Independent. I felt like a failure in my first depression, but I reached out to anyone in hopes they could take me away from the depression. My first depression was all encompassing boredom. Being with someone sort of helped with that.

    I also waited until 7pm to take 3 hour walks everyday that Summer. I was told later that I did good in improving my depression by exercising, and getting the Sun. I was just so bored, that I needed anything to distract me. I wasn’t thinking about exercise and Sun. I wasn’t sure why I was waiting in pain until 7pm everyday. I just randomly decided that I was going to walk everyday at 7pm. Sometimes I couldn’t wait that long, and walked at 5pm.

    I had a part time job then, that I was horrible at. Major depression and work do not equal a clear thinking mind. I was a book shelver at a library, and I kept on being confused by the Library of Congress ordering system. My mind just couldn’t process it.

    Sorry I will stop rambling on and on about myself. Just memories.

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    1. Thanks for the comment. It’s a bit of the ego working on me, but it would be nice.

      Yes, I take meds. They are the only thing that has taken the chemistry in my brain to task, at least until I started meditation. I take the “a little bit of both” approach and try to find ways to lower the meds if I can while substituting with supplements and reiki and all of that has an effect, it doesn’t cover the full picture.

      I agree with most of what you have said. Walks help for me sometimes, but unfortunately have trouble finding motivation. My depression was really long and seemed like I would never get out. There were times I couldn’t walk to the kitchen to make coffee or get food. Until food became a medication of sorts for a while. Most people can’t understand what it’s like. Until they deal with something.

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      1. I told my therapist at the time (as a joke) I only feel normal when I eat. I should just eat all the time. I used to be an avid supporter of Fish Oil. Then I went on a diet and preferred a little sugar to the points of healthy oil. (weight watchers) So I stopped Fish Oil after having everyday for years. They are starting to study the gut bacteria of those with Bipolar disorder to look for differences. A long term study I am in requested help, but I had just taken a probiotic.

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  2. I took fish oil for years. I switched to cod liver oil because it’s supposed to be good for teeth too. I’ve noticed some improvement with b12 too, but I just read that folinic acid (b9?) Is supposed to be better for depression. Eating vegetarian for a while really helped too. I did one of those meal delivery things where they deliver all the ingredients for meals and you cook them yourself. My mood definitely improved with fresh organic ingredients. And meat free was guilt free. Now my income is too low, but I’m hoping it will go up soon.

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