This past week was a bit of a game changer. I feel I made a lot of progress with my art in terms of coming into alignment with a lot of things I have been wanting to for a long time.
This iPad thing is amazing and really revolutionalizes my working process. I am able to easily get things done that would have been a real pain before and I feel like I will be able to get things done that I have never felt able to before. I spend way too much time in front of a computer screen now, and that has a lot of drawbacks, but I am really excited to be able to work this way.
Poetry seems to be my most well received posts and I am unsure about that. A lot of the time, I feel it is too emotional, or too negative, or too painful to try to write. I get to a point of wanting to avoid it or ignore it, but it always seems to pop back up for me to write. I will meditate and get an idea, or I will be doing something else and catch an idea here and there. There are times I cannot shut an idea out and times when an idea is just a nuisance. I get caught in a mind trap where I will think I need to get something written whether I want to or not. It usually means I am trying to avoid whatever soul searching I am doing, but a lot of the time, there will be a pretty good idea.
It is kind of tough to keep an even keel when things are lining up like they never have before. I get anxious about things and past negative feelings get stirred up, especially when I am going back over projects that I have almost given up on for years. Past moods and emotions from when I was mentally ill or from a negative life event pop up that want to be healed. It is a process.
I am growing. I am evolving. I am becoming something other than pain. That is a process. That takes time. That takes a fair bit of courage.
Whenever an exciting thing happens to me, I feel that it may be too good to be true. I start to doubt my luck or doubt the fact that I am worthy of something. That is human emotions for you.
I know my work will be easier now and I know that I will be able to do things I have never been able to before and that is a blessing. I shouldn’t complain, and I’m not really; it is just what I am dealing with. Growing and evolving is not an easy process sometimes, and sometimes it is.
My angel work (Angel comic strips) may become a regular thing. Possibly a once a week thing. I’m not promising anything yet, but it was fun to work in a new way that is a lot easier than before. I feel really able to get a whole book done from sketch, to ink, to color and text all on this iPad pro. That is exciting.
I often wonder what everyone here wants to see. Most advice I get is to just keep doing what inspires me. That is kind of difficult to decide when I have literally 20 projects that want my attention. Being alone all the time means not having much direction or feedback, which can be nice, but still difficult to try and get things done without input.
I want to get some readings up here too, but I procrastinate. There are so many other things to try and do. The house still needs work. The roof leaks, the this or that needs repairing etc, etc, but still I feel I am making progress with it. Maybe I am just excited to have one dream come true. I feel manifestation is a real thing that I may be capable of, but I’ve yet to have a full grasp of what I can really do to create things in my life.
It was a godsend to be able to have my uncle offer to get this iPad for me. I was not expecting it, but it was proof enough for me that manifestation and vision boards can work out.
I am not sure what this post is about. I guess I just wanted to try out my new keyboard. A cheaper case than the Apple smart keyboard, but still something that makes it easy to type.
I hope you are all doing well out there. Sorry if my ramblings are confusing. I am never sure what to say here, but it is fun to get thoughts out.
Thanks everyone for your follows, shares, likes, comments, etc. It really makes the process exciting and worth it. I just realized over the weekend that email subscribers passed the 1400 mark. That means that over 1400 people get emails every time I post something here. That is in addition to the many Twitter, Facebook, tumblr, and Instagram followers I have. That feels good. To be received by so many people makes me think I might be onto something. I feel my work has merit, at least enough to garner a decent amount of followers. Thanks for reading and staying tuned. It is a great thing for me to have a voice.
Tim Edwin B.